After 13 years, I’m preparing to be alone.
My youngest daughter is starting full-day kindergarten next week, and I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. Of course my friends assure me that I’m going to love having time alone to get things accomplished at home. And that she is going to thrive in the classroom with other children. And I’m sure that’s all true… sort of.
It’s funny how things come full-circle. When I found out that child #3 was on the way, I was only months away from having both of my kids in school. I had visions of volunteering on multiple boards and in numerous groups. I’d work out daily and have coffee with friends. I’d even get to grocery shop alone! So the news of a new baby sent me reeling. Whose idea was this?
Eventually I adjusted to the idea, and my youngest became my most well-adapted child, because I dragged her everywhere I went. There were some things I couldn’t do easily but we adjusted. She became as much a part of my social circle as I was. People were disappointed when she wasn’t with me. She was like a little shadow that was always at my side.
And now she’ll be with someone else.
I suppose this all feels more ominous now that I live in a new place. I’m far away from the conveniences I’m accustomed to, and many of the friends I know best. But I know intellectually that I’ll adjust to this change as we often do in life: because we must.
I have an armload of projects that I have been waiting to do, and this seems like the perfect opportunity. Now would be a great time to begin the organization process that I’ve longed to do. I’ve contemplated going back to school or finding a part-time job. And now I have no excuses. Most importantly, this will be an eye-opening test for me: am I so wrapped-up in my children that I’ve lost much of myself along the way?
Clearly I already know the answer to that. Maybe you’ve seen my blog?